The Olympics simply must be the Coolest Thing Ever™. Where else are you going to get a bunch of the world's top athletes together? Where else are you going to get a competition between nations that doesn't involve bombs or bare-knuckled economic brawling? What better excuse could there be for staying up late on a school night? Come on. This is as good as it gets in the current low-evolved, selfish state of human evolution!

That Michael Phelps guy is a monster, and those cute little gymnast chicks, Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson, are pure poetry in motion, and their teammate, the grand old lady of the U.S. delegation at 20, Alicia Sacramone, has to be one of the hottest hotties on the planet. I hope she takes the millions Playboy will offer her for a spread.

And how 'bout that U.S. men's basketball team?

It's not really about gold and silver and hotness, though. It doesn't even matter that China is dominating the race for gold. The beautiful thing about the Olympics is the spectacle itself. What it is is cool at its most fundamental. Dedicated, talented young athletes from all over the world at the peak of their physical prowess competing in the flippin' Olympics, man... wow. Unlike overpaid primadonna professional athletes, these kids are on their best behavior, representing their nations and all. Even the U.S. men's basketball team have conducted themselves as gentlemen.

If only every day could be the Olympics.